I open old messages.
Read them.
Feel the sting again.
And I bleed—inside.
Passive. Aggressive.
Tell me—
with what right?
And then there’s me.
Justifying myself.
What a fucking fool.
Handing over power to a man
so he could break me down.
And you—
you hide behind past glories,
back when you swore you looked good.
Ignorance.
Or maybe just the absence of self-love.
These words—
the ones I never deleted—
once made me cry.
But not anymore.
Now, they’re just echoes.
Now, I laugh.
Now, I walk forward.
Him:
I want to see you looking like you did in that lovely red dress 🤭
Me:
I’ll lose weight and start exercising, hopefully.
I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in May,
and I’m determined to get back on track.
I’ve already quit smoking—
and I know this is another goal I need to reach.
Step by step…
Him:
Had no idea you smoked, Yini 😲 That’s a big NO!
Can you send me that pic of you lying down in that red dress?
I can’t find it.
Me:
I used to smoke weed.
(I omit the cigarettes too.)
Him:
Oh, OK.
Find that beautiful photo, I’ll keep looking too…
found it
Absolutely gorgeous!
I really can’t see how you’d let such beauty be compromised, Yini! 😲
Me:
When I was younger,
I never saw myself as beautiful.
But now, looking back, I realize I was.
Isn’t that funny?
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time.
Him:
You took your beauty for granted 💔
It makes me mad how you let it go—
because you did, Yini. 😲
Me:
It makes me mad too.
I feel like crying now :-(
Him:
You were and are that beautiful woman.
Remember that 😘
But listen, if you’re happy that’s all that matters🙏🏽
Me:
I’m not happy.
But at least I’m not torturing myself.
Seasons change, people change.
And I’m taking control of my life again.
I’ll be working with an endocrinologist.
If this is my new reality,
I’ll live with it
instead of dwelling on the past.
Health comes first.
Beauty only feeds our egos.
Him:
Nah. Those beautiful pics of you are not long past.
You use clichés to excuse your gluttony, Yini 🙃
Me:
Probably.
But thank you for the reminder.
Him:
Those beautiful photos are YOU.
That’s all you need to know 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Me (Inside my head):
Fuck—Off.
Goodbye, buddy.
Without saying a word.
